it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
