I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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