dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
