I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
