I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
