I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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