Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
