To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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