Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
