If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
