OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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