shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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