i jhust puked up my retainher.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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