i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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