I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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