I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
