put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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