I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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