11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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