Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Randomize
