oh god the rape fog is back!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
