I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
