I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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