don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
