Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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