I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
