He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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