I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
