If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
