haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
