She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
