think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
