I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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