I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
