Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
