I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
