I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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