mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
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