Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
