i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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