Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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