11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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