she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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