i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
