My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
