then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
