i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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