We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
