I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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