im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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