I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
