what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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