everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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