you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
